Friday 9/30/11

Friday 9/30/11

Hopefully we are off tomorrow because Rebel needs some serious TLC! The combing helps, but there is only so much that can do! She is dirty and needs a good damn scrubbing! LoL! Well at least I know I’m off Sunday no matter WHO volunteers! It won’t be ME! LoL!

And I think I have my method down for combing my hair out. What I DON’T have is the patience, stamina or TIME to do it properly!! This… STUFF!! Is THICK! The only savior is that it’s not LONG yet! I mean, of course I want it to grow out but I know now this is not gonna be easy. LoL!

And now.. The deepness.. This blog is for natural hair talk. BUT it is also a journal of my journey. And I am more than my hair. There will be deep talk. Just me thinking it all out on “paper”. Having said that. I cut. I know it is more of an adolescent white girl thing, but it is what it is. For those who don’t know what cutting is, it is the act of cutting or scratching yourself. Usually when you’re depressed or angry. This is not new. I’ve done this for YEARS. And I’m not saying it’s great nor am I saying “Go cut yourself up!” Not at all. But I AM saying if you do, I do too. So you’re not the only black person who does. I won’t go into details, but I was upset last night and I did some scratches. They’re not too bad. Maybe no one will notice. If they do, I’ll make up something. It’s not healthy and I need another outlet for my anger.

I haven’t done this in years. Maybe 3 years? I don’t know. I don’t just do it all the time, but it happens. On a weird note.. The scratches look like 11:11. It’s not funny, but they do. They don’t hurt- it hurt when I was DOING it! But I’m so twisted I kept going AND even sicker.. I kinda want to do it now. I wonder is there a support group for this? And how would I interact with them? I don’t want it coming to my inbox. DH knows I do it, but most times I keep it hidden. I mean he can’t help me, so why worry him with it? It’s not BAD like I’m using a razor blade or knife. I’m more a “scratcher” than a cutter. Never known a person to die from scratches. Still it’s not good to harm oneself. I do it to punish myself for stupid decisions. For being stupid. Too stupid. Gotta pay the Piper I guess.

I’m sorry. There is no need to worry. I’m not suicidal. Not HOMICIDAL! Just sharing an issue. An issue that I need to address and resolve. This is why it is so important for me to better my mental and spiritual state. And all that is a part of my journey.

If you’re still here, thanks for reading. πŸ™‚ It’s all about bettering mind, spirit, and I GUESS, body. LoL!!

11:11 Make it REVEALING!

Jen πŸ˜€


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