Friday 7/15/11- Am I?
I was looking at my hair today and everything. And it is THICK in the back. I mean like.. SNICKER thick!!! And that is wonderful! It has all types of curls and coils and such. But I still PANIC when I get ready to go in to work and can’t find my bonnet. Why? I’m obviously not ashamed of my hair. I go out with it uncovered ALL THE TIME! I hold my head high where ever I go!! So why do I RELIGIOUSLY cover it up at work? Am I ashamed of my thick short hair?
Upon breaking it down.. I know I’m not. But I just don’t know how they’ll take it. Since I first came out here I’ve been the girl with the LONG fat locs. That’s the only way they’ve ever seen me. Now here I come with this tiny, curly, coily fro. Well, I must say, it has shock value. Still.. Not like me to worry about what they think. I mean I’ve never been “approved” of since I was born I don’t think. So I’m use to laughter, snickering, pointing.. Rudeness. Use to it. I’ve had 33 years to get use to the “what is that?” attitude most people have about my ethnicity, my hair, my body, my clothes… I honestly have been teased my whole life! So why can’t I reveal my hair to these asses at work. I mean I keep it out until I get ready to go in. So most people have seen it if only off a distance. So it’s no secret.
So… Can’t be shame… Maybe I don’t want them up on my shit. Not yet anyway. Maybe just not EVER! The ones that need to see it will. I believe in negative energy. So maybe I feel this is a very negative place. And the negativity is CONCENTRATED!! So maybe that’s why I keep it covered.
Or maybe I like having this mystery. They all want to see the new hair. And can’t! Or maybe I feel they aren’t ready. And that they just won’t GET it. I mean, they understand “natural” per se. But they aren’t in a mindset to really “get” the significance of it. This is the South after all. Not to say we’re dumb, but we’ve been raised to be RELAXED. Nappy is slave like. Everyone wants to distance themselves from slavery. Why would a person CHOOSE to reconnect?! Honey, that shit runs DEEP down here. So maybe I want to forego a lot of those questions. Right now I have a hard enough time EXPLAINING why I A. Cut my locs and B. am staying natural without revealing and having to fight off “Perminators” who wanna push the issue of “needing” a perm!! How the hell you “need” a perm? Will you die without one? Well, surely your family will die if you don’t get one? No? First born be slaughtered? The hell you say?!!!! No?! Really? Not sounding like a “need” then is it? And since it’s a “want” and I don’t want… Case closed.. Or it should be.
So I guess the hair will not be making it’s debut at work any time soon. Damn! Oh well.
Well, that’s all for today.
Later Curlies. 🙂